


drop your burden, free your hands, you don’t need the touch of a better man

by tigerlo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Vanity Fest 2018, character introspection, first-time fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:54:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerlo/pseuds/tigerlo
Summary: "Do you wanna come upstairs and find out?"Vanessa and Charity's first time.(Written for Vanity Fest 2018 Theme: Firsts)





	drop your burden, free your hands, you don’t need the touch of a better man

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, I am so excited to be able to submit this for Vanity Fest, @thegirl20 and @heartsways you guys are so bloody awesome for putting all this together for us. I can't wait to see all the amazing content to come out of it.
> 
> I'm actually a bit nervous about posting this though, because this is such a big moment for these two, and for a long time I felt like it wasn't something I thought should be ficced? Like the unknown was better? But then I couldn't help myself, and my curiosity got the better of me, and I wanted to see if I could write it.
> 
> Anyway, I hope it's alright. Read on!

 

-

 

“Are we really gonna do this then?”

 

Vanessa’s voice sounds foreign to her own ears as they reach the landing, Charity’s hand surprisingly comforting in her own. 

 

“Well, yeah, babe,” Charity replies smoothly, turning just before they walk through her bedroom door, taking a step when Vanessa doesn’t so their hands suspend, still clasped tight, between them. “If you want to.”

 

Vanessa knows that she does, she wants this, she  _ wants _ this, even though the logical part of her brain is positively screaming at her to walk back down the stairs. Because this is  _ Charity Dingle _ , the woman who ruined her father’s relationship, and god knows how many others, for no other reason than because she could. 

 

It’s a strange juxtaposition though, between that cruel woman Vanessa has seen so many times behind the bar, the one who’s snide and harsh and snappy, and the Charity in front of her now. 

 

It’s the same difference between normal Charity and the Charity in the cellar who had kissed her slowly, deeply, until Vanessa was out of breath. Whose hands were so soft on Vanessa’s cheeks, asking her if she could kiss her again. The same one who had pushed herself out of the chair with her shirt untucked by Vanessa’s own wandering hands, and rustled up a blanket for the both of them when they’d kissed for long enough that sleep started to prick at the corner of their eyes. 

 

“I’d offer you the couch to yourself, but I’m not that chivalrous, and I ain’t sleeping on this floor,” Charity had said with an almost apologetic shrug, sliding back into the chair with Vanessa. 

 

She’d rolled onto her side after throwing the blanket over them both, and Vanessa had sat upright as Charity’s warmth settled along the side of her body. She was already dreading the awkward goodbye come the morning now that she didn’t have the distraction of Charity’s lips against her own, until Charity had sighed dramatically, reaching over her back for Vanessa’s arm, pulling Vanessa into a more comfortable position curled around her body. 

 

“It’s going to be bloody cold down here once that blush of yours wears off, babe,” Charity had said wearily, still with enough smugness in her voice to make Vanessa roll her eyes. “Best we try and keep what heat we have from escaping, eh?”

 

She doesn’t know what she expected Charity to feel like in hindsight, as hard and unyielding as Vanessa had always thought her to be perhaps. The reality of the situation is anything but however, because Charity is soft edges and strong limbs and different. She’s  _ different _ here. 

 

“What do you want?” Vanessa asks, back in the present, and she supposes that it’s an odd thing to ask, but she feels like it’s important here as she holds Charity’s hand like a lifeline. 

 

Because she’s used to going through the motions, she’s had a lifetime of doing what other people wanted, and she doesn’t want this to be that. Maybe it’s selfish, maybe it’s something else entirely, but she wants Charity to want this as much as she does. She wants Charity to want her as much as she wants Charity in return. 

 

“Would have thought that was fairly obvious, eh?” Charity says giving her an eye up and down, pulling on their joint hands until Vanessa’s hips bump against her own and she drops Vanessa’s hands in favour of curling her own around Vanessa’s waist. 

 

“Really?” Vanessa asks, although it’s becoming exceedingly difficult to keep her head because Charity is warm against her, just like she was warm in the cellar, and the solidity of it chases her uncertainty away. Almost all of her uncertainty away. “But you don’t even like me.”

 

“And how do you know that, Vanessa?” Charity questions smoothly, her eyebrow raising with her tone, and it’s not sharp, not yet, but it is firm. 

 

“Because you don’t,” Vanessa shrugs, although as she says it, she realises that she has absolutely no evidence to back that statement up.  

 

Because Charity might have come for her father like a curse fresh out of hell, but she’s never directly done anything to Vanessa. She’s never set her sights on hurting Vanessa even with her relative closeness to her father, she’s never given Vanessa reason to believe that she’s been anything more than completely neutral to her existence, in fact. 

 

“And have I ever said that?” Charity asks her next, smiling as though she can read Vanessa’s mind, as though she knows that’s exactly what Vanessa had just asked herself. 

 

“Well, no,” Vanessa admits a little dumbly, surprised when Charity leans in close, their lips almost touching, the tip of their noses brushing. 

 

“And have you ever asked me?” Charity asks, her voice smooth like silk as her breath rushes over Vanessa’s lips. 

 

“No,” Vanessa answers moodily, shaking her head in a way that  _ just _ brings their lips into contact, a spark leaping between them like a little electric shock, “but-“

 

“Look,” Charity sighs, pulling away and putting enough distance between them that Vanessa almost groans at it. Charity fixes her with a glare, and she’s not harsh but she’s firm in the way she meets Vanessa’s eye. “We don’t have to do this, yeah? I thought you were keen, and I definitely am, but….”

 

“You are?” Vanessa asks probably far too quickly and not at all smoothly, but she can’t help it, because it feels like someone’s struck a match in her stomach when Charity’s words sink into her skin. 

 

“Course I am, babe,” Charity says easily, like Vanessa’s just asked her the thickest question in the world. “I’m a fair pain but I’m not blind, am I. You’re not hard on the eyes, Vanessa, and now that I know you can snog like that too, let’s just say you’re a far more attractive prospect than I was ever expecting.”

 

“Gee, thanks,” Vanessa grumbles in spite of the fact that the complement thrills her. 

 

“No, look, I’m trying to say-” Charity says in exasperation, releasing Vanessa’s hips, wrapping her hands in Vanessa’s vest instead, tugging her forward. “I’m trying to say that you’re a bit of alright, Vanessa Woodfield. And I fancy a bit of you in that bed.”

 

“Yeah, well, you’re not too bad yourself,” Vanessa replies, her hesitant grin growing when Charity’s smug expression deepens, her own hands hovering over Charity’s waist. 

 

“I’m not gonna bite, babe,” Charity says when she leans closer, whispering the words into Vanessa’s ear, “well, maybe not yet anyway.” She throws a glance down between their bodies before raising an eyebrow at Vanessa. “You’re allowed to touch me too, you know.”

 

It feels like a thrill quite aside from anything else in living memory when Vanessa’s hands settle on Charity’s hips. It’s a simple touch but this is different to the cellar because Vanessa knows that this is going somewhere now, she knows there’s intent behind every movement, and the thought of it is enough to make her heart race. 

 

Charity’s lips press against hers and the warmth of her soaks into Vanessa’s palms, and it’s rich, this kiss, it tastes like anticipation and it tastes like desire and so many things Vanessa only now realises she’s missed and denied herself in the past. 

 

The mess with Rhona should have been a clue, even as complicated as that whole situation was, because kissing her was so different to kissing men, even Kirin with as much as she felt for him. Kissing Charity is something else entirely though, because she thinks she can feel how much Charity wants her in the kiss, not how much she needs what Vanessa can procure for her. 

 

It’s a different kind of desperation, kissing Charity, a completely different kind of addictive. 

 

She feels Charity’s tongue brush her lower lip and she parts hers gently allowing Charity’s tongue to slide into her mouth, moving against her without hesitation, kissing her deeply, with  _ feeling _ , in a way that makes Vanessa’s hands grab desperately at her hips. 

 

“I don’t know what-” Vanessa begins a little dumbly when the kiss breaks and Charity’s hands release her jacket to curl around her shoulders, and she starts walking them back through the bedroom door. 

 

“It’s easy, babe,” Charity coos smoothly, and Vanessa understands in that moment how so many people have followed Charity to ruin, because she thinks she would too, if Charity asked. 

 

Her charm is exquisite, Vanessa muses when Charity leans forward to kiss her again, her hands sliding to Charity’s lower back in reply. Her voice is like a siren's song, her grip on Vanessa’s shoulders firm but comforting, secure, like she knows Vanessa’s in danger of floating off into nothing without Charity holding her to earth. 

 

“Have you ever…?” Vanessa asks a little haltingly, even though she thinks she knows the answer. 

 

Because she thinks she’s seen Charity’s head turned by the occasional woman in the pub before, just like she’s seen it turned by men, and it’s been a while but both Rhona and Paddy have spoken about the mystical  _ Zoe Tate  _ and Charity’s doomed relationship with her while thoroughly pissed before, proof of at least one followed-through affair with a woman. 

 

Vanessa can still remember the thrill she’d felt upon hearing that and it hadn’t ever really made sense before, her heightened curiosity to something that should have been inconsequential, but it does now. 

 

“Not in a few years, but it’s a bit like riding a bike,” Charity says simply, shrugging when they step into her room. “It’ll come back to me.”

 

Vanessa envies Charity deeply then, watching the smile cross Charity’s face. She wishes that she could be so at ease with her own sexuality, instead of battling and beating it so fiercely like she’s done for years and years and years. 

 

“God, you’re a real lady killer aren’t you?” Vanessa snorts, her laugh making Charity echo the sound too, so she’s smiling into the next kiss when her tongue grazes Vanessa’s. 

 

“You have no idea, babe,” Charity breathes against her lips, and it seems so effortless for her to throw off the shackles of who they are outside of this room, for her to ignore their responsibilities and exist solely in this moment. 

 

Vanessa deepens the next kiss because she’s thinking too much, because she doesn’t know if she’s ever going to have the opportunity to have another moment like this - with Charity or another woman - and if Charity can shut out the real world and give into temptation, into lust, into her basest desires, then Vanessa will be damned if she can’t too. 

 

It surprises Charity when she does so. She groans approvingly when Vanessa’s hands start to move, when they pull Charity’s top from her trousers, and she gives Vanessa her lead for a few seconds more before she takes the reins back firmly in her grip. 

 

Charity’s touch moves from her shoulders, running up the column of her neck where it threads into the hair at the nape of her neck. She tugs slightly, loosening Vanessa’s ponytail to the point where a few strands escape and hang loosely around her face. 

 

“Take it out, Vanessa,” Charity says roughly when Vanessa’s hands move to straighten it, the tone of her voice making Vanessa blush. “I want to see you.”

 

It surprises her, Charity’s words, and she’s not sure why, maybe because she’s half-expecting Charity to be self-inserting someone else into her place, rather than Charity focussing on her being  _ her _ . 

 

She pulls the tie out of her hair slowly, slightly buoyed by the black of Charity’s eyes, slipping it onto her wrist before arranging the messy blonde waves over her shoulders quickly, shivering when Charity takes up that job for her. 

 

“I meant what I said before, babe,” Charity says like she can hear Vanessa’s insecurities, her fingers gentle and confident as they smooth down Vanessa’s hair. “I dunno what the blokes in this village have been sleeping on but you’re a fair sight across that bar, even when you’re scowling at me. Maybe especially then, actually.”

 

The last part of her own sentence seems to amuse Charity but Vanessa can’t deny that it’s nice to feel so blatantly wanted. “I thought…” Vanessa begins before Charity runs her thumb along her bottom lip. 

 

“I know what you thought,” Charity says carefully in reply. Vanessa can almost hear the wariness in her voice, how tired she is of people assuming things instead of just asking her. “I’m gettin’ too old to be doing this with people I don’t want to be, Vanessa. I haven’t had to do it for necessity in a while. I do things for me, now, yeah? Not for anyone else. If I bring you up here it’s because I want you. If I wanted someone else, then they’d be here instead.”

 

“It’s not just a convenience thing, then?” Vanessa asks, crossing one of the other insecurities off the list in her head. “I’m here and you’ve got an itch you need scratching?”

 

“Less complicated people I could get to do the scratching for me, yeah?” Charity says with a smile in her eyes, and it makes Vanessa laugh too, actually, because she’s got a point there. “You’re here because it’s you I want here.”

 

Vanessa thinks it’s probably a relatively new want, about a day old in fact, but she doesn’t really want to stop and challenge the specific length of that desire, because it doesn’t really matter. 

 

What does is that she’s caught Charity’s attention, she’s passed whatever test one needs to past to make it up these stairs. She’s here, and no one else is. 

 

She takes the opportunity when Charity stops talking to instigate the next kiss, pulling Charity closer to her with a hand around the back of Charity’s neck like she’d drawn Vanessa closer downstairs, and she feels something stir in her belly when Charity vocalises her pleasure at being taken slightly by surprise. It floods every part of her nervous system, the way Charity kisses her back, the way she reciprocates, and Vanessa loses herself in it with a dangerous swiftness. 

 

Her hands move around Charity’s waist, pulling the top completely from her trousers, looking to Charity briefly before setting her hands on the bare skin she can now access at Charity’s waist. 

 

“See?” Charity says between kisses as she begins to make her way down Vanessa’s neck, tipping her head gently to the side to give herself more room. “Easy, isn’t it?”

 

“For now,” Vanessa replies haltingly, trying hard to keep the waver out of her voice, concentrating on the warmth and softness of Charity’s skin beneath her hands. 

 

She’s not a blushing virgin, god she’s so far from it, but she is nervous. 

 

Because it’s slightly unfamiliar territory this, for her, and she’s more than a little aware that it’s far more familiar for Charity. Maybe it’s competitiveness, maybe it’s something more altruistic, but she doesn’t want her lack of experience to show too badly when Charity finally takes her to bed. 

 

“Are you always this chatty before sex?” Charity asks her then. It’s not a cruel question if the peak of her eyebrow is anything to go by. She looks genuinely curious. 

 

“Is that a problem?” Vanessa questions, trying not to sound too defensive, her thumbs brushing over one of Charity’s bottom ribs in a way that makes her shiver. “And are you not?”

 

“Men tend to just want to get on with it, don’t they?” Charity answers with a shrug as her hands slip beneath Vanessa’s top and stroke a line across her lower back. “Don’t normally have a chance to be chatty, not that I often want to prolong the experience, anyway. No, it’s a problem at all, babe, just wanna know what I’m getting myself into, don’t I?”

 

“ Getting yourself into? Like this isn’t a one-time thing?” Vanessa asks as something like panic and excitement settles in her belly simultaneously. Because doing this once she can pass it off as an accident, but more than that means something else entirely. 

 

“It can be whatever you want it to be, Ness,” Charity says with a sigh. Vanessa can tell she’s on the edge of pushing this conversation too far, but she asks her next question regardless. 

 

“What do you want?” Vanessa asks sincerely, feeling slightly adrift. Because it’s just not obvious to her, because she can’t seem to read Charity beyond the fact that she seems to want Vanessa right now, in this moment, and she knows it’s selfish but she needs to know more. 

 

“Honestly?” Charity questions, looking amused before she answers, her arms locking around Vanessa’s lower back as she eliminates all the space between their bodies. “I want to tear that bloody vest off you and kiss you until you stop talking.”

 

“What’s stopping you then?” Vanessa says in reply, with a boldness she doesn’t quite feel, but it seems to be exactly the right answer because Charity’s eyes light like a match. 

 

“Not a damn thing, babe,” Charity returns, her hands sliding up Vanessa’s sides before she pushes the puffer vest off and it falls to the floor with a rustle. “Not a damn thing.”

Charity’s hands move up her stomach and chest, sliding over her breasts and up to either side of her neck before she kisses her again. The path that her hands trace humming pleasantly as Charity’s tongue moves against her own. She’s tactile, Charity is, far more than Vanessa had expected, and it adds so much more to the whole experience, it makes her feel  _ wanted _ in the way Charity’s hands seek out every curve of her body. 

 

Charity’s hands find the hem of her jumper and she catches Vanessa’s eye for a nod before she pulls it up, Vanessa raising her hands to facilitate the movement, the world disappearing for a second when Charity pulls it over her head. 

 

“How many bloody layers have you got on?” Charity laughs when her hands move over Vanessa’s singlet covered stomach, up higher to brush the underside of her breasts. 

 

“Just trying to make it interesting for you, wasn’t I?” Vanessa laughs back and it’s freeing, the way the sound falls from her, how easily Charity brings it out. 

 

“Don’t worry about that, Ness,” Charity replies and her eyes glow with a different heat this time, like coals, all black and no green. “It’s plenty interesting, even without having to break into Fort Knox.”

 

Vanessa’s cheeks redden again and she wants to berate herself for acting like such a school girl, but it’s difficult to ignore the fact that she feels so different beneath Charity’s hands. She’s enjoyed sex with men before, but she feels like her whole body is roaring beneath Charity’s touch in a way that is most definitely new. 

 

“Am I gonna get into bed fully clothed in a minute, or are you gonna start on this, too?” Charity asks, smirking, bringing Vanessa back to the present. She rolls her eyes before giving the skin of Charity’s side a light pinch. 

 

“God, you’re bossy,” Vanessa says with a huff, trying to keep her own breathing as even as possible as she reveals inch by inch of Charity’s bare stomach, lifting the black fabric up higher and higher until she can tug it off and throw it beside the bed. 

 

It takes her a moment to actually process the sight of Charity, bra-clad in front of her, and with every inch of seriousness, Vanessa thinks she might just understand what people mean when they use the words  _ religious experience _ . 

 

Her bra is black too, lacy, so completely  _ Charity _ that Vanessa almost laughs, would probably do so if she wasn’t so captivated by what she can see. Charity is gorgeous, curves and dimples and reality and scars and such soft skin that Vanessa automatically suppresses the urge to reach out and touch, before she remembers that she can. 

 

Charity’s breath falters when Vanessa’s palm makes contact with the space just below her breasts, over her diaphragm, and Vanessa’s on the verge of an apology before Charity crashes their lips together. 

 

She’s like fire sometimes, burning, searing, all-consuming as she pulls Vanessa to her, sliding one arm around her lower back and seeking the mattress with the other as she leads Vanessa down onto the bed. Her warmth settles between Vanessa’s thighs, their bodies melting together as Charity kisses her again, and again, and again, her teeth nipping Vanessa’s bottom lip sharply before she pulls away with a glint in her eye. 

 

Charity moves back so that she’s straddling Vanessa’s hips rather than lying with their limbs intertwined, giving herself more control. “Good isn’t it?” Charity breathes against the line of Vanessa’s jaw before leaning away to survey the image presented to her, her hands running down Vanessa’s stomach to the line of her trousers. 

 

Her fingers are nimbler than Vanessa’s expecting, seeking out the button of her pants quickly, popping it easily before working the zip down and shuffling them open.  

 

“Comes in handy sometimes, that bossiness,” Charity says smoothly, running her hands around Vanessa’s sides, tugging her trousers as low as Vanessa’s current position will allow. “Hips up, babe.”

 

“I can see the appeal,” Vanessa replies as Charity works the heavy fabric down her thighs. She sits up when Charity steps off the end of the bed to pull her jeans over her ankles, her hands going to the closure on Charity’s pants too once Charity’s free of her last task. 

 

“Sure you’re qualified to do that?” Charity asks her with a cheeky grin, her eyes flicking hotly to where Vanessa’s hands have stalled. It sounds light, the question, but Vanessa understands that Charity’s giving her an out if she wants it. 

 

She sees a wisp of something in Charity’s eye then too, almost like there’s a piece of her waiting to retreat deeper into her head out of self-preservation, and Vanessa thinks she understands it because she’s felt the touch of it herself, before. 

 

_ She’s waiting,  _ Vanessa realises with a slightly sickening thump of her heart _ , for me to give her reason to think I don’t actually want her.  _

 

Vanessa’s well aware that saying something to address it will sound completely insincere to Charity, even if she does really mean it, so she speaks in a language she knows Charity will respond to instead. 

 

She rolls her eyes in response to Charity’s comment finally, tugging sharply on Charity’s trousers to bring her closer. Her hands shake a little but she’s firm with her movements as she pops the button open, her hands are sure when she drags the fabric down Charity’s thighs. 

 

Charity’s skin is warm beneath Vanessa’s palms as she runs her hands up Charity’s legs, smiling when Charity jumps at a light touch behind her knee. 

 

“Not ticklish are you?” Vanessa says feeling a little braver than before. It’s getting easier to feel so with Charity’s gaze as hot as it is on her own, because she’s seen fake desire more times than she cares to remember, and this definitely isn’t it. 

 

“Absolutely not,” Charity denies hotly, collecting both of Vanessa’s hands in her own. She towers over Vanessa for a moment before she pushes Vanessa back onto the bed, pinning her hands down on either side of her head. 

 

It’s not a completely unbreakable hold but Charity’s strong enough for Vanessa to be impressed, wriggling a little to play before Charity stops her, moving her thighs tighter in by Vanessa’s sides. 

 

She feels hungrier now with Charity so close, the desire thumping through her veins louder than before. Every touch feels like more, Vanessa muses when Charity drops to her neck, sinking her teeth into the thickness of Vanessa’s shoulder, more, more, more than she can remember feeling before. She can’t reach for Charity like this but she can make what she wants known, rolling her hips up, straining against Charity’s hold until Charity smirks, lazily making her way along Vanessa’s neck, up across her jaw to the edge of her lips. 

 

“God, you’re a tease,” Vanessa groans in exasperation when Charity holds her lips just out of reach, wrapping one of her calves over Charity’s hips in an attempt to gain some small amount of control. 

 

“Do you really think so?” Charity says seriously, the tone of it sending a shiver down her spine. She releases Vanessa’s hands in order to free one of her own, trailing it down Vanessa’s belly. 

 

Vanessa’s inhale is sharp when she does so, the muscles of her stomach jumping beneath Charity’s touch before she moves her now-free hand and pulls Charity’s mouth to her own. She surprises herself with the fire, with the drive, with how much she wants Charity, and Charity makes a deep noise of satisfaction in her throat when she recognises the heat too. 

 

They break away panting with the temperature climbing into Vanessa’s cheeks, and Charity’s hand toys with the elastic and cotton of Vanessa’s underwear before she looks down to Vanessa. 

 

“Point of no return, babe?” Charity purrs as her fingertips move in little circles over the soft skin of Vanessa’s stomach in a way that makes Vanessa squirm, because she can feel herself throbbing, tensing,  _ desperate _ for Charity’s touch. 

 

“I think we passed that when we came up the stairs,” Vanessa replies easily, and it makes Charity smile, the surety in her voice despite the waver in it. 

 

“Good,” Charity purrs, her hand sliding beneath Vanessa’s underwear without hesitation once she has Vanessa’s okay. “Never been one for looking back, me.”

 

Vanessa’s eyes flutter closed at Charity’s touch but she can see Charity’s smirk through her eyelids regardless, because she’s wet, she’s so wet, and now Charity can feel exactly how much. She’s not expecting Charity to dally and she doesn’t, working quickly to test what Vanessa responds to and what she doesn’t, her fingers quick and eager, dipping and swirling, teasing different pressures until Vanessa’s breath starts to stick in her throat. 

 

“Are you sure you haven’t been with a woman recently,” Vanessa groans before she can stop herself, because Charity’s  _ good _ at this, and far more perceptive to her needs than Vanessa had been expecting. 

 

“Why, babe?” Charity asks when she pulls back from kissing Vanessa’s neck, amused. “Am I better than you thought?”

 

“I don’t know what I thought,” Vanessa replies honestly before the sound dissolves in a gasp when Charity’s fingers brush past her entrance and her back arches. 

 

“You’re not alone there, Vanessa. You’re much more fun than I thought, too,” Charity says as two fingers slide inside her and Vanessa moans loud enough for her to worry briefly about keeping it down, before Charity starts a quickening pace with her thrusts. 

 

Vanessa wants to glare or throw some sort of witty reply to level the playing field that she feels is rapidly tipping towards Charity but she can’t, she can’t focus on anything that isn’t the firm stroke of Charity’s fingers, or her clever tongue, or the way she’s so warm and fluid and reactive between her thighs. 

 

She can hear the doubts waiting at the periphery of her rational mind though: that there’s likely an ulterior motive for this, that Charity only wants this conquest for ammo against her or her father, that she’s nothing more than a bed warmer for the night, another notch on Charity’s headboard, but they’re easy to push back and ignore - for now - because Charity is  _ present _ , she’s  _ here _ , and Vanessa can see herself in the shadow of Charity’s eyes, not someone else’s ghost. 

 

“Stop thinking,” Charity says above her silkily, leaning down to kiss Vanessa on her inward stroke. “Takes all the bloody fun out of everything. You’re here, I’m here, that’s it, babe. Isn’t that all that matters?” 

 

“You’re right,” Vanessa asserts firmly, to herself more than to Charity, pushing everything else out of her mind and focussing on the overwhelming sense of Charity flooding every one of her senses. 

 

“I’m often right, you know,” Charity replies with a smirk. Vanessa can’t help rolling her eyes but the effect of it is totally lost because Charity kisses her one more time, her fingertips grazing some deep part inside her, and her whole body buckles beneath Charity’s touch. 

 

She writhes as Charity doubles her efforts with a smug grin, her hands moving freely over Charity’s body with no trace of hesitation. They run up Charity’s sides, slipping beneath the strap of her bra, hungry for the bare skin, her nails dragging sharply down Charity’s back when the peak of pleasure rising up at the nape of her neck breaks and Vanessa’s orgasm hits her like a blow to the chest. 

 

Charity catches the sound in her mouth, kissing Vanessa sharply, turning the moan into some deep guttural sound that she can feel vibrate through both of their bodies. The kiss softens slightly - just slightly - as Charity pushes her through her release, her thrusts slowing, her whole body melting into Vanessa’s. 

 

She’s not gentle in the way she marks Charity’s back as she comes but Charity doesn’t flinch away whatsoever, she inhales deeply, stretching the expanse of skin available to Vanessa instead. She pushes into the bite of Vanessa’s nails, groaning deeply when Vanessa doesn’t lighten the pressure, dragging them from Charity’s shoulders to her waist, just below her rib cage. 

 

It’s barely a conscious action though, just like everything else in that moment, because the pleasure is a barrage and Charity’s fingers are long, and Vanessa can feel herself tensing around them over and over and over again until the air in her body zeroes out and she softens completely beneath Charity, just before Charity collapses on top of her with an audible huff of breath that rushes up Vanessa’s neck. 

 

It’s a warm, welcome weight, the feeling of Charity almost bare on top of her, so is the distant patter of Charity’s heartbeat against her chest, but it’s short-lived because Charity mumbles something like an apology against her jaw a few seconds later before she makes to move away. 

 

“No,” Vanessa says quickly, her arms tightening around Charity’s shoulders, freezing when she realises that might be the completely wrong thing to say. “Sorry,” she adds hastily, holding her breath when Charity doesn’t shift further, instead leaning back just enough to look Vanessa in the eye. “You just… you don’t have to move. It’s nice.”

 

Charity gives her a slightly odd look in reply, like she wasn’t expecting that whatsoever, before smiling softer than Vanessa thinks she’s ever seen, half-surprised, and half-amused as she releases the tension in the muscles of her stomach, relaxing into Vanessa again. 

 

“Good, because I’m bloody knackered, babe,” Charity mumbles into the hollow of her neck. “Forgot how much work that was.”

 

“Work?” Vanessa asks, her voice slightly high with a playful objection. “Thanks very much.”

 

“Come off it,” Charity says with a sigh, rolling onto her side, the majority of her body still draped over Vanessa’s. “You know what I-“

 

“I know,” Vanessa replies, suddenly feeling shy as the warmth of her orgasm evaporates off the tips of her fingers where they rest curled around Charity’s ribs, compelled to fill the silence with something to peel back the unexpected intimacy of the moment. “I thought you’d make me work for it a bit more, you know.” 

 

“We’ve got all night for that,” Charity smiles smugly. “Better to take the edge off first, innit?” 

 

There’s no hint of shyness in Charity’s eyes and she watches Vanessa intently like she’s turning something over in her head, her gaze moving over Vanessa’s upper body freely. “You know, you’re not at all what I was expecting, Vanessa Woodfield,” she says without context, and Vanessa frowns in response. 

 

“What were you expecting?” Vanessa asks hesitantly, almost certain the next thing out of Charity’s mouth is going to be a crack at her. 

 

“A prude,” Charity says with no hint of emotion. It rubs Vanessa right up the wrong way, but she doesn’t think Charity means it in as bad a way as it sounds. 

 

“Cheers,” Vanessa grumbles sarcastically, turning her head away to look at the other side of the room, her eye catching the reflection of their tangled legs in the mirror, surprised by the softness of the image. “Your pillow talk needs some work, you know,” she adds moodily, trying to ignore how much she likes the way they look intertwined.

 

“You think people normally stick around long enough to have a conversation with me?” Charity replies with a snort. “They’re out the door as soon as they have what they want, babe.”

 

It makes Vanessa’s blood cool, and she instantly regrets the harshness of her own comment. 

 

“Well, in that case, I suppose it’s excusable that yours is shite,” Vanessa says lightly, trying not to make evident the guilt in her tone.

 

Charity doesn’t reply to that but she does give Vanessa a look that Vanessa can't quite read. “Suppose you’ll be off then?” Charity asks her with a sigh a moment later. It’s not entirely dismissive, Vanessa recognises quickly. It’s a question.

 

She’s asking whether Vanessa wants to stay. 

 

“That’s hardly fair is it?” Vanessa says, not directly answering her, and Charity takes it for its meaning instantly, her eyebrow rising as she watches Vanessa carefully. 

 

“What’s that then?” Charity asks plainly, smirking like she can’t wait for Vanessa to try and articulate herself. 

 

Vanessa’s heart starts beating a little faster as her brain moves ahead of her, and she realises what it is she’s about to commit herself to.

 

“Well unless you got absolutely nothing from that, you must be…” Vanessa trails off and Charity opens her mouth to speak but Vanessa’s determined not to seem weak, so she beats Charity to it. “Don’t you want me to-“

 

“You don’t have to, babe,” Charity says with a softer tone than Vanessa had been expecting. “Not like I’m not used to finishing what I need myself after that door closes.”

 

“I know that,” Vanessa replies, biting her lip, letting her eyes wander visibly over the bare skin on display to her. She reaches out for it, unable to temper the urge, drawing her finger along the prominent line of Charity’s collarbone to the middle of her chest. “What if I want to?”

 

“Oh you do, do you?” Charity breathes, her mouth turning up in a smirk, her whole body changing slightly around Vanessa’s. It’s more sinuous, almost excited. “Well, in that case, I’m all yours.”

 

Vanessa waits for some sort of offensive lesbian joke to follow, a crack at her wavering sexuality, or an  _ of course you do _ , but there’s nothing: Charity just holds Vanessa’s eye calmly instead, waiting, the move Vanessa’s to make. 

 

“Do you want me to, though?” Vanessa asks, her fingers brushing over the skin above Charity’s heart, just higher than the line of her bra. 

 

Panic fills Vanessa the second she asks the question, doubt clouding the things she’s already assured herself of, the fear that Charity hadn’t really wanted this after all, that she’s doing Vanessa some sort of sickening favour instead. It must show on her face because Charity responds smoothly, confidently, leaning in and teasing her lips against Vanessa’s in a clear show of intent. 

 

“Vanessa, you wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” Charity replies with an easy simplicity before she kisses her, her tongue slipping against Vanessa’s in a way that makes Vanessa groan deeply. 

 

The image Vanessa has in her head of Charity, unwavering and hard, unflinching and cruel, is falling away with every second that passes them tonight. The facade is crumbling and Vanessa’s not sure to do with this other version of Charity, the one she suspects only a handful of people have ever seen. 

 

She’s calmer than Vanessa ever thought she could be, the almost manic energy she normally releases in waves from behind the bar nothing but a low comforting hum, and it would be easy to assume this was fake or some sort of front, but Vanessa can feel the genuine ease in Charity’s body that tells her this is who Charity really is, without the smoke and mirrors. It eases her insecurities, too, that Charity isn’t bothering with a mask, that what she can see is really what’s in front of her. 

 

It eases the insecurities, sure, but it doesn’t do much else to quell the rolling of her stomach like she’s out on open water. Because even without practice, Charity is better than anyone else Vanessa’s ever had in her bed, and she has no idea how she’s going to try and work to match that. 

 

“I don’t know what to-“ Vanessa says, trying not to sound as meek as the inexperience makes her feel. 

 

“Don’t over think it, babe,” Charity offers smoothly, wrapping her hand around the back of Vanessa’s neck. She kisses Vanessa briefly but then her hand travels down, collecting Vanessa’s on its way to her waist. 

 

Vanessa’s motor function kicks in as her fingers brush the waistband of Charity’s underwear. Her heart might be in her throat now but Charity’s hand is still wrapped around hers and she can hear Charity’s breath quickening in anticipation, and that grounds her, because she does want this, she  _ does _ , maybe as much as Vanessa does herself. 

 

And it’s not new, this - wanting women - as much as Vanessa will lie to herself when she has the mental capacity to start processing everything she’s done tonight. She wanted Rhona, even though she knew she shouldn’t, and she definitely wasn’t the first. Vanessa’s had women catch her eye for years now, but it’s been easier to aggressively ignore that, to give herself to men instead. 

 

She’s already part-terrified of what this will mean when the morning comes, because she’s been able to ignore the blatantly obvious leaning in her own mental inclination for years now on the basis that it wouldn’t be any better with women, but she has proof now, and that’s frightening enough to make her want to grab for her clothes and run out the door without even bothering to put them on. 

 

“Vanessa?” 

 

Charity’s voice is firm enough to bring her out of her head but it’s soft enough that Vanessa realises the vacant expression is probably something Charity’s well familiar with, and it makes her feel sick for bringing it here too. 

 

“Look, babe,” Charity says, her grip loosening on Vanessa’s hand, “if you’re not-“

 

“No,” Vanessa replies quickly, shaking her head, kissing Charity again to prove it, relieved when the frown lightens between Charity’s brow. “It’s not you. It’s not. I want this, I do, I just…I dunno what it all-“

 

“Didn’t I tell you to stop thinking before?” Charity asks, raising her eyebrow, and Vanessa sighs in response, the worry leaving her in a rush. 

 

“Yes, but-“ Vanessa starts, her breath catching in her throat when Charity shakes her head. 

 

“No buts,” Charity cuts across her, kissing her again, until Vanessa swallows her own words. “Turn that stupidly, annoyingly large brain of yours off for five seconds, would you?”

 

“I wonder if there’s a course on pillow-talk,” Vanessa says abjectly, ignoring Charity’s last sentence. “Bound to be, there’s a course on everything now, isn’t there-“

 

Charity’s next kiss is completely distracting, it’s wholly consuming, and Vanessa loses track of which limb belongs to whom when Charity moves on top of her again. Her hands are everywhere, running over Vanessa’s body, taking an electric current with them, and Vanessa matches every inch of the intensity, sliding her hands around Charity’s back, up her sides, over Charity’s bra-clad breasts as her hips look for friction too. 

 

“See,” Charity husks when they break to breathe, leaning her forehead against Vanessa’s as she slides off to the side again. “Much better when you don’t, isn’t it?”

 

Vanessa’s hand is resting on Charity’s hip but it shifts to the middle of her belly as she watches Charity’s chest expand and contract under her heavy breathing. She brushes her fingertips lightly over the small white scars and soft skin and Charity shivers, the movement just noticeable enough that Vanessa’s cheeks darken in satisfaction. 

 

“It’s not you,” Vanessa says again because it’s important that Charity knows that. The hesitance isn’t because it’s her, it’s because Vanessa’s about to open a box she thought she’d keep closed forever. 

 

Wanting Charity is terribly easy though, and it steamrolls through everything she thought she’d built up nice and strong to keep her life simple, as though it were all made of dust. It’s different to what she felt for Rhona, or any of the girls she turned her head for at school. It’s deeper, it’s hungrier, and it terrifies her. 

 

It’s simple though because despite her fear, kissing Charity in the cellar last night turned something on deep down in her gut that she knows only Charity can turn off for her. If it’s even possible to do that. 

 

“It’s not me?” Charity asks coyly, pushing herself closer to Vanessa in a way that makes Vanessa’s fingertips slip  _ just _ beneath the waistband of her underwear. 

 

“It’s not you,” Vanessa affirms for her. She shakes her head, her thumb sweeping over the soft skin of Charity’s belly in assurance. 

 

“Well, maybe you should show me that, then, babe?” Charity says evenly, holding Vanessa’s eye like she’s asking her permission, only moving when Vanessa bites her lip and nods minutely before she moves her hand over Vanessa’s again and leads them both lower. 

 

Vanessa’s breath catches noisily when she feels Charity for the first time. She’s far from a prude, she’s felt herself like this more times than she can count over the years, but feeling desire like this in another body is something else entirely. 

 

Charity’s wetter than she was expecting, so much warmer, and Vanessa’s mind goes completely blank when she first feels it but Charity’s groan of satisfaction at some sort of friction tethers her to reality, it reminds her that there’s a rather big part she needs to play in this too. 

 

She starts moving her fingers in some imitation of what she likes herself, but she does it languorously, properly feeling the desire at her fingertips, taking the time to savour it. She watches carefully, taking note of what Charity arches her back for and what she rolls her hips into and what she moans for until she finds some sort of rhythm, and she hasn’t the foggiest clue if she’s doing anything right or wrong, but the way Charity’s cheeks have a warm blush over them is encouraging enough for her push on without asking for help. 

 

At some point they shift slightly so Charity’s flat on her back with Vanessa draped over one side of her completely, and Charity’s hand that had led Vanessa’s low before is wrapped around her forearm as Vanessa’s fingers work against her, not to lead her anymore but to brace herself, Vanessa thinks. 

 

The creamy skin of Charity’s chest looks beyond inviting and Vanessa drops her lips to taste it without thinking, freezing for a moment when her lips grace the skin. She pauses in worry about having crossed some sort of line without asking but Charity’s hand buries itself in her hair, holding her in place, tightening when Vanessa draws the flesh against her teeth in a test, followed by a breathy  _ yes, Vanessa  _ and she takes that for the assurance that it’s more than alright. 

 

Charity is vocal as her pleasure builds, which doesn’t surprise Vanessa in the slightest. She groans her approval and pushes her hips up against Vanessa’s hand, and it’s just on the right side of it too, it’s not too much, it’s not awkward or uncomfortable, it’s a fuel to the heat throbbing between Vanessa’s legs in actuality, because it’s just unfiltered enough that Vanessa knows it’s completely genuine. 

 

She’s annoyed she didn’t have the foresight to take Charity’s bra off before this began because she doesn’t want to distract from the building rhythm between Charity’s thighs, but she wants more, she wants to feel everything, the way Charity’s breast pebbles beneath her tongue, the way the tender skin looks in the dark. 

 

She wants more and she knows Charity does too, she can feel it in the desperation of her tensed muscles and the quickness of her breath. As if Charity can read her mind and the turning point Vanessa feels poised on, she runs her hand down Vanessa’s arm, curling it around her wrist again, leading her hand lower, until Vanessa’s fingertips dip into an even warmer heat. 

 

She doesn’t need to be told what it is that Charity wants beyond that, and she doesn’t hesitate in giving it to her either, sliding two fingers in, groaning herself at the sensation of warmth that envelopes them. Charity is tight around her, tensing and releasing and it almost drives Vanessa to distraction before she finds her head and starts moving her hand. She pushes slowly at first, teasingly slow, slow enough for Charity to surge up and find her lips and hiss  _ faster, Ness  _ to her as she fists her hands in Vanessa’s hair. 

 

“In a rush, are you?” Vanessa dares to whisper, moving back slightly, denying Charity the kiss she searches for desperately. 

 

“No, you’ve just got me so bloody worked up I think I might explode if you don’t hurry,” Charity growls, the firmness of her grip just the right side of painful, like she knows exactly what she’s doing, until Vanessa bows herself and meets Charity halfway. 

 

It’s gratifying, Charity’s admission, intensely so, and for a moment Vanessa isn’t sure what to do. 

 

She could draw this out, she almost wants to because she has no idea whether Charity will boot her out the second she gathers her thoughts enough to give Vanessa the instruction, and she’s not sure she wants to leave just yet, but she wants to prove herself too. 

 

That’s what wins out in the end. She wants to give Charity what she’s grasping for, she wants it to be  _ good _ , and if it is, maybe that’ll be enough to give Charity a reason to ask her to stay. It’s pathetic, Vanessa’s well aware of that, because she’s a grown woman with a life at her back, but there’s something about Charity that’s magnetising, and it overrides the self-preservation, it overrides everything in fact, so that all Vanessa wants is her. 

 

She wonders distantly how much of this is Charity’s charm as she watches her bend her back and expose her throat. She wonders how many other people have been in exactly this position. Vanessa wants to believe that she’s different, she wants to believe that she’s not just another bed warmer, that this chemistry she can feel flowing so freely between them means something, but this is  _ Charity Dingle _ , and Vanessa knows that changes everything. 

 

None of that matters for now though, all that does is Charity, all that does is that she’s moaning Vanessa’s name, she’s sighing and she’s writhing, and it’s all because of her. 

 

Vanessa’s forearm is burning and she can feel the sticky warmth of their exertion covering her skin but the desperation in Charity is apparent, so she pushes on, and faster and deeper, focussing on the way Charity feels wrapped around her, until finally the desperation snaps, and Charity comes hard. 

 

She’s not expecting Charity to pull her in for a kiss as her orgasm hits her but she does, her hand around the back of Vanessa’s neck, her nails biting just slightly into the skin, and it’s oddly intimate, like Charity’s looking for validation in the moment as much as Vanessa is. The kiss is deep and Charity’s groan makes Vanessa’s lungs vibrate, and she swears she can feel some sort of connection deep, deep down for a flash of a second, like they’re joined at the bone, before Charity breaks completely, falling back into the covers, slack against Vanessa. 

 

Vanessa lets her weight rest on Charity’s side, tucking her chin into the curve of Charity’s shoulder, waiting for hands to shove at her shoulders and tell her to move, but they don’t come. Charity just hums into Vanessa’s warmth instead, wrapping her calf over to hook in between Vanessa’s legs, settling into the embrace. 

 

“Bloody hell, babe,” Charity groans a few minutes later, her nails drawing little circles over the nape of Vanessa’s neck lightly. She pulls away just slightly so she can look at Vanessa in the eye. “Didn’t know you had  _ that _ in you.”

 

“Alright, was it?” Vanessa asks cautiously, slightly on edge as she waits for Charity’s reply.

 

“Yeah, Ness,” Charity trills, laughing and tugging Vanessa towards her, whispering the next words against her lips. “It was well alright.”

 

Charity sighs heavily before pulling Vanessa back on top of her, wrapping her arm around Vanessa’s shoulders, nuzzling into her neck, and that old image of Charity in Vanessa’s mind crumbles a little more. 

 

“What happens now, then?” Vanessa asks before she can help herself when Charity doesn’t make any move to disrupt the surprisingly comfortable quiet draping itself over them. 

 

She risks reaching for Charity, as if to give some indication that she’s not looking for an exit just yet, sinking her hand into the hair at the base of Charity’s skull. 

 

Charity pulls back and sets her gaze on Vanessa, her eyes quick and curious around the sluggishness of their pleasure. “Not normally one for repeat performances, me,” Charity says, watching Vanessa’s face carefully, waiting for a frown before she finishes, “but I think I’d be a bit stupid to turn that down again.”

 

“You want me to stay?” Vanessa asks with a wobble in her voice, surprised even though it’s exactly what she wants. 

 

Charity sighs in exasperation at Vanessa’s question, taking completely the wrong meaning from it, speaking before Vanessa can correct her. “Look, if you don’t want to, just-“

 

“No,” Vanessa smiles, shaking her head as Charity’s frown evens out instantly. “I don’t want to.”

 

“You’re sure?” Charity asks sardonically, like she doesn’t quite believe Vanessa. “This won’t break your little prom and proper rule about not shagging women? Because once could passably be an accident, babe, but twice is-“

 

Charity’s right, and it makes Vanessa feel slightly uneasy just how quickly she’s cut to the heart of Vanessa’s fears, but the baser part of her brain has control presently and her desire is dampening the panic, and it’s that which reaches forward and crashes their lips together again, cutting Charity off. 

 

“Didn’t you say I should stop over thinking everything?” Vanessa asks, running her hand from Charity’s jaw down the line of her neck to her shoulder, where she pushes the bra strap off. 

 

“I’m very wise, me,” Charity replies smoothly, Vanessa’s assurance having obviously resolved her annoyance. 

 

“Well then, Madame Wise,” Vanessa asks as evenly as she can watching Charity’s eyes move wantonly over her chest. “What do you propose we do now?”

 

“Well, that all depends, babe,” Charity answers, smiling wickedly as her hands ghost over Vanessa’s sides. “How deep down this rabbit hole do you want to go?”

 

“What do you mean?” Vanessa frowns, but Charity’s already shaking her head. 

 

“You know what, never mind,” Charity says as she pushes Vanessa onto her back again and rises over her, straddling her hips. “How about, I keep going until you say stop?”

 

“What are you-” Vanessa asks even though it’s blatantly obvious what Charity is doing as she starts making her way down Vanessa’s body. 

 

“Why?” Charity queries, hovering over Vanessa’s stomach, her hands spread wide on Vanessa’s rib cage, “do you want me to-“ 

 

“No, don’t stop,” Vanessa replies quickly, because her heartbeat is already quickening in her chest. “You just don’t have to-“

 

“It’s not overly altruistic, babe,” Charity says dryly, smirking as she runs her hands over Vanessa’s hips, settling between Vanessa’s thighs. “I’m giving you a crash course, aren’t I. Because if you’re as good at this as you are with your hands, I don’t know how I’m ever going to drag myself out of this bed. If you want to, that is…”

 

“Depends how good the teacher is,” Vanessa offers casually, surprising herself with the boldness of the comment. 

 

“Oh, she’s good,” Charity snorts. “Don’t you worry about that.”

 

“She talks a big game,” Vanessa says with a sigh, and it’s meant to be incendiary but it works better than Vanessa could have expected. 

 

Charity pries her thighs wider apart with a look of competitive resignation on her face as she takes her place further down the bed. “Shut it, would you,” Charity grumbles, looping Vanessa’s calf over her shoulder, throwing her a quick glare, “let me put my money where my- well, you know what I mean.”

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes but she doesn’t even get a chance to say anything witty because Charity’s mouth closes over her, warm and completely overwhelming, and it’s all Vanessa can do to arch into the pressure of her tongue and bite the flesh of her palm to stop from screaming. 

  
  


-

  
  


“You know, I’m often right, but I think that’s the most satisfying assumption I’ve ever had proven correct,” Charity says lazily as Vanessa crawls back up the bed sheepishly, the taste of Charity on her tongue, and a blush on her cheeks. 

 

Charity’s hair is beyond mussed, wild and proud around her face, and Vanessa can only imagine that hers looks similar. She catches the time when she drops her head onto the pillow next to Charity’s, long past two in the morning. 

 

_ God _ , Vanessa thinks with a wince, she’s going to be a wreck tomorrow. Even if it will be beyond worth it.

 

“If I didn’t want to give her a further inflated ego, I’d compliment the teacher, but I think her head’s big enough as it is,” Vanessa replies, the warmth creeping into her smile as Charity laughs in response. 

 

There it is again, that humanity that makes Vanessa question every small thing she’s ever taken to heart about Charity, because her laugh is warm, it resonates against Vanessa’s skin like some kind of gift. 

 

The humanity that she doesn’t really want to test the limits of, though, looking over Charity’s shoulder again at the time. She contemplates trying to slip out of bed now before Charity has to ask her to, because she’s almost certain she’ll outstay her welcome if she hangs around much longer. 

 

“Just stay, babe,” Charity says with a groan, rolling her eyes at the conflict in Vanessa’s. “It’s late and I’ll get lynched if something happens to you on the way home when I was the last one to see you.”

 

“So thoughtful,” Vanessa replies sarcastically. “There’s that altruism again, eh?” 

 

“Full of it, I am,” Charity preens, smiling at Vanessa again like she truly means it before her expression twists into a frown. “And you’re welcome by the way.”

 

“You’re sure I’m not putting you out?” Vanessa asks but she’s already sliding her foot between Charity’s, she’s already breathing slower, settling into her shoulder and the welcoming softness of the bed. 

 

“If you ask me again, I will boot you out,” Charity replies impatiently before rolling onto her back and leaving a place for Vanessa at her side. “Now come here will you, before I get a bloody chill.”

 

She knows she shouldn’t stay, she knows it’s a terrible idea, but she wants to. Because she’s opened this box now, the one she sought to keep shut for so long, and the feeling of Charity beneath her, around her, moaning for her, she  _ likes _ it. She likes it a  _ lot _ . And she’s not ready to let go of it just yet. 

 

“I’m not gonna bite, Vanessa,” Charity says dryly, not bothering to crack an eye open as she does so. “Stay or don’t, I’m not gonna shrivel up and cry if you want to go.”

 

It would be easier to go now, in spite of the hour, to save the awkward morning when they do wake. It’s hard to move her body though, it’s hard to contemplate leaving this, leaving Charity, who looks breathtaking with her makeup long gone and her hair a mess and her skin covered in the evidence of Vanessa’s desire. 

 

It would be easier to go, but she wants to stay. She wants it. Even if she’s not sure she’s ready to face what it means tomorrow. 

 

“Do you ever stop talking?” Vanessa asks with a huff, making the decision as she falls into Charity’s side, curling close but not quite touching her body. 

 

“Yes, when I’m asleep,” Charity says dryly. She doesn’t acknowledge Vanessa’s decision with anything more than a slightly upturned corner of her mouth, the tiniest hint of approval at her choice, “which I will be any second once you stop squirming, just-come ‘ere will you.”

 

She reaches for the arm Vanessa’s not leaning on from where it’s curled against her chest, pulling it over her body so it rests across her stomach, and Vanessa’s expecting Charity’s hand to move away once she has what she wants but it doesn’t. It slides up her forearm instead, her fingers curling comfortably around Vanessa’s bicep just above her elbow, humming contentedly when their warmth melts together again. 

 

It should feel terribly awkward, the way they’re connected at every point, or far too intimate, but it doesn’t. It feels right, so  _ heavily _ right that it almost scares Vanessa clean out of her skin and away from the house on that merit alone. 

 

Charity turns her head, her lips brushing against the bare skin of Vanessa’s shoulder, sighing sleepily, and Vanessa’s heart swoops dangerously in a way it has no right doing, until Vanessa can calm it down enough to ask Charity the question that’s been lingering on her tongue all night. 

 

“Does it always feel like that?” Vanessa asks quietly as Charity’s fingers dance lightly across the top of her thigh beneath the blanket. “With women, I mean.”

 

“No, babe,” Charity answers with a drowsy laugh, not opening her eyes. “It’s always different, in a way. How can it not be, but that was…”

 

Charity does let her lids flutter open then, tired of speaking maybe, or not able to articulate what she wants to with such a sluggish mind. She leans over instead and the moonlight shines behind her head like a halo before she kisses Vanessa deeply, in a way that she feels itch her bones. 

 

She’s never felt anything even remotely like this in truth, not even with the best of the men she’s fallen into bed with.

 

“It’s not always like that, Ness,” Charity sighs when they break apart, falling onto her back again and pulling Vanessa’s arm tighter over her waist. “You really are full of surprises, aren’t you?” 

 

_ Yeah _ , Vanessa thinks with an internal snort as she relaxes into Charity’s side.  _ And so are you. In every bloody way possible.  _

 

She can feel her brain trying to engage her to begin the inevitable panic and processing but she’s too tired, and her limbs are too heavy and she’s too sated to abide them, so she lets sleep overwhelm her instead, sighing as Charity’s breathing evens next to her, her own following before she can count to ten. 

  
  


-

  
  


Vanessa wakes with a start in the morning, immediately registering the difference everywhere around her: the softness of the mattress beneath her, the difference in the sheets, the arm draped over her waist and the hand wrapped around her forearm. 

 

_ Oh _ , she remembers with a jolt, the previous evening flooding back into her short-term memory.  _ That’s right. I stayed _ . 

 

Charity must sense the tenseness in her body because she groans in her sleep, mumbling something like  _ relax, will you, it’s too flamin’ early to move  _ before she readjusts her arm over Vanessa’s waist, snuggling closer to Vanessa’s back.

 

The normality of it throws Vanessa off balance, who had expected the cold shoulder as soon as Charity had woken up, not this, not softness, not more of the same as what she’d been shown last night. 

 

Dismissal she’d been prepared for, but not this, this she doesn’t know what to do with. 

 

“Not going back to sleep, are you?” Charity grumbles against Vanessa’s bare skin, her breath warm between Vanessa’s shoulder blades when she feels Vanessa’s alertness refuse to fade.  

 

“Sorry,” Vanessa says quietly, her head spinning, the panic finally settling in. “I think I’m awake now.”

 

“So much for a lie in,” Charity sighs in reply, running her hands down Vanessa’s sides before they separate from her body and she pulls back slightly. 

 

“You don’t have to get up,” Vanessa offers softly, and she knows she’s the only one having this mild panic because Charity feels as relaxed as she has been this whole time. 

 

“I’m dying for a cuppa,” Charity groans, sitting up with no mind to her own nakedness, walking to her closet to pull out a vaguely purple-coloured patterned silk robe, turning back to Vanessa as she knots the tie. “You want one?”

 

The nonchalance and pragmatism of the moment shocks Vanessa, who’s trying to discreetly clutch the sheets as tight as she can to her body to obscure as much skin as possible, suddenly massively conscious of her own bare state despite the fact that Charity doesn’t seem fazed about it at all. 

 

“Right, so  _ not _ chatty in the morning,” Charity mumbles under her breath as she slips out of the room, the stairs squeaking as she makes her way downstairs and Vanessa’s left in a spiral of her own panic. 

 

She’s not sure where the source of it is coming from more heavily, from the stark reality of the fact that she’s just woken up in Charity Dingle’s bed, or how easy it all feels, how softly she had woken up with Charity’s arm draped over her waist and her leg slid between Vanessa’s, snoring lightly in Vanessa’s ear. 

 

She had assumed that Charity’s hospitality would flatline as soon as the sun rose, but she’s still as normal as she had been last night, and for some reason that makes this terrifyingly real. 

 

She slept with a woman. Sober. She enjoyed it, a lot. Sober. She stayed the night with Charity Dingle. Sober. 

 

She’s up and out of bed before her mind can tell her to calm down, because she can’t deal with this now, she can’t deal with what this means or who she might be because of it. She pulls her clothes on in a blur, not bothering with her bra, which she can’t find anyway, buttoning the top of her jeans up just before she creeps out the bedroom door.

 

Charity won’t mind her leaving, Vanessa convinces herself in an attempt to assuage the guilt sitting heavy in her stomach. It’s probably what she wants anyway, it’s probably why she made the excuse about the tea. She’s giving her an opportunity to run. She’s giving her an out, without having to say goodbye. 

 

Vanessa can hear Charity moving in the kitchen as she sneaks down the stairs and she’s almost at the door when Charity appears, looking soft enough to take Vanessa’s breath away,  _ again _ , holding two cups of tea and look of complete surprise at seeing Vanessa up and dressed. 

 

It’s shame that propels her out of the house, a stumbled and weak excuse that makes her wince tumbling out in her haste to leave, because Charity hadn’t been trying to chase her away. 

 

Charity Dingle had made her a cup of tea to drink in bed, Charity Dingle had shown the tiniest flash of disappointment at seeing Vanessa on the stairs, trying to do a disappearing act, not upstairs waiting for her.  Charity Dingle had thrown an allusion to a  _ next time _ before Vanessa could pretend she couldn’t hear it. 

 

Charity’s face haunts Vanessa the rest of the day around the ghost memories of her touch across her body, that minuscule flash of surprise at seeing Vanessa trying to run before she’d schooled her features into something more neutral. 

 

Because she hadn’t wanted Vanessa to run. She’d made two cups, two bloody cups, and Vanessa is the worst person in the world for making another assumption about Charity that’s proven completely incorrect. 

 

The other panic finds her later, the fear that Charity will tell someone, but it’s almost secondary to her own guilt. 

 

Because Charity Dingle had made _two_ cups of tea. 

 

What the hell is Vanessa supposed to do with that?

  
  


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End file.
